Last year I went through a breakup.
Last year I was broken-up-with.
Last year I got dumped.
As a result the last year has been full of new opportunities, adventures, deeper self-love practices, lots of tears, lots of joy, new lovers, new friends, and of course re-building a self identity that felt shattered at the loss of a deep love and, what I thought to be, a deeply meaningful partnership. Which it was! But not how I originally thought it would be. The end of that relationship was painful. I mean, horrible. I was full of self-doubt and a lack of worthiness, and questioned my intuition, and felt lost. I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and with tears already in my eyes. I couldn't eat. I could't sleep. I had to practice the basics, like breathing. It was raw, and hard, and also one of the most precious times in my life, when life felt so very real and I felt so in it.
In the midst of my pain, I dragged myself out to lots of events: distractions. One such outing was to Red Clay for the White Rabbit Arts Festival. One of the performance pieces was a choreographed dance, on a platform, in a tree (I know, awesome, right?!), and part of this moving piece was a handout asking, "when things fall apart how do you/we cope?".
And lately, for whatever reason, I find myself longing for that rawness in life. I find myself longing for that time when I felt so cracked open, so willing to take care of myself, so close to the reality of my life, and so in any given moment. And while digging through stored-stuff post summer travels, I found this piece of paper where I had written a commitment to myself, a reminder to myself of how to cope with my life that felt 'fallen apart'.
But life doesn't have to be fallen apart or falling apart in order to remember a self-love manifesto.
So, here it is, that list which I wrote for myself, to myself, out of pain and loss, but really, for any day and every day.
Kate Varsava is a Halifax, NS based lover of wit, whimsy, and word-play. Late-nights, mid-morning coffee, quiet meditations, and the elements of nature inspire her sentiments and observations.