How We Cope

Last year I went through a breakup.  
Last year I was broken-up-with.  
Last year I got dumped.  

As a result the last year has been full of new opportunities, adventures, deeper self-love practices, lots of tears, lots of joy, new lovers, new friends, and of course re-building a self identity that felt shattered at the loss of a deep love and, what I thought to be, a deeply meaningful partnership.  Which it was!  But not how I originally thought it would be.  The end of that relationship was painful.  I mean, horrible.  I was full of self-doubt and a lack of worthiness, and questioned my intuition, and felt lost.  I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and with tears already in my eyes.  I couldn't eat.  I could't sleep.  I had to practice the basics, like breathing.  It was raw, and hard, and also one of the most precious times in my life, when life felt so very real and I felt so in it.

In the midst of my pain, I dragged myself out to lots of events: distractions.  One such outing was to Red Clay for the White Rabbit Arts Festival.  One of the performance pieces was a choreographed dance, on a platform, in a tree (I know, awesome, right?!), and part of this moving piece was a handout asking, "when things fall apart how do you/we cope?".   

And lately, for whatever reason, I find myself longing for that rawness in life.  I find myself longing for that time when I felt so cracked open, so willing to take care of myself, so close to the reality of my life, and so in any given moment.  And while digging through stored-stuff post summer travels, I found this piece of paper where I had written a commitment to myself, a reminder to myself of how to cope with my life that felt 'fallen apart'.  

But life doesn't have to be fallen apart or falling apart in order to remember a self-love manifesto.

So, here it is, that list which I wrote for myself, to myself, out of pain and loss, but really, for any day and every day.  
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xo